Overwhelmed

First, I have to say that Creed was awesome last night. However, as much as I enjoyed the show, I've decided I am too old to go to a concert and function the next morning. I had three hours of sleep. I tried to collect the same writing assignment from my students today...I'm thinking I wasn't really on my game. Last night, I was really enjoying the music. I loved being outside. However, B was complaining his knees hurt. Then my feet started to fall asleep. The band played all of the songs I wanted to hear, but they had a middle section that had a few new songs in it. You know how everyone just kind of bounces and rocks, even though they don't know the words? I was looking around thinking how funny we all looked. Overall, I'm glad I went, even though I paid for it today.

T spent the night with my dad and stepmom last night. He was so cute about it. I was having a MUCH harder time with it. I knew I wasn't going to see him until tonight, and that was harder than I expected. He, however, was more worried about what he was going to play and what he was going to eat.

School is harder than normal. I don't know why. It might be because of the insecurity at home. It might be because I have two new preps or just because I have four. I'm having trouble keeping up, and though that's typical for me since I like everything "just so," this is a lot worse. I'm not feeling like I've hit my groove yet, and I'm praying it happens soon. I really keep holding on to the fact that I have really good kids, and I'm liking it. I have no major stress with discipline at all. I love that part of it...it's a good change and a welcome one. I'm enjoying getting to know the kids, especially my junior accelerated. They told me hillarious stories about themselves the first day, and I just love how that class feels. It's really awesome.

Off to catch some much-needed sleep after I convince the little guy he needs some!

It's all good

I'm happy to say that today was probably the best first day of school that I've ever had. Not having freshmen, except for the accelerated, really made a difference. All classes were upbeat and fun, and I'm excited to start the year, though I'm sad to be losing a lot of time with Tristan.

On that note, we are going for a long walk tonight and to the playground. I'm hoping to just soak in the sun and the squeals he makes when he is happy. You know what? For today, I will forget all of the money issues and fear I have and say, "Today is really good."

Adventures

Since B has lost his job, T and B have been going on "daddy adventures." I love these because T's face lights up, and they almost always come back happy. Today, while I was starting my first day at school, the two of them had the most exciting adventures. They did most of these things at home, but just listening to them talk about playing Wiggles music on the guitar together or the fact that they put together every puzzle T has, just makes me all gooey inside.

At dinner tonight, T ate four small pancakes, eggs, and a piece of bacon! I was so surprised. He had to try all of the syrups that IHOP has to offer...butter pecan, strawberry, blueberry--he loved them all.

I start the first day back with my students tomorrow. I'm nervous, and maybe a little more than normal since I have not taught speech before. However, I was so happy to see my friends today. I work with great people. And you know what? I really love the kids. There may be many who try my patience, but for the most part, I work with some great ones. I'm really hopeful for a great year.

Family drama and other incidentals

So, I'm pretty sure my father is bi-polar. He's gone through crazy mood swings all of my life. Our relationship goes through ebbs and flows, and I have come to accept it for what it is. I try to understand who he is, though he angers me a lot. My dad is racist. Now, he thinks that just because he has spoken to black people at work, he isn't. Nope, he is.

My sister moved to Florida and started dating black men. Frankly, I don't care who she dates as long as she is happy, and he treats her right. My dad just could not handle it. He had a complete meltdown and has not spoken to her in a year. I tried to shield my sister by taking his screaming phone call. He never told her how he felt--he told me. She decided to call him last night so that she could "clear the air." He screamed at her about how he would never accept her and all kinds of crazy things about what happened when my parents were getting a divorce. Now, this happened over 17 years ago. Why neither of my parents are able to let go of all of this is beyond me. They chose each other; they created the situation. I don't know.

I guess that through some miracle, my dad found it in his heart to call her back. He made some threat about not getting stabbed in the back by her again. What the heck? I guess I'll never understand him as much as I try to. I mean, how can a parent stop talking to his/her kid? Why would that ever be acceptable in his mind?

On another note, T and B played hide and seek tonight. I just love when T runs screaming and giggling in the other direction..."Daddy, get me! Get me!" We had his friend over from school, and they played and ran and laughed, and it made me long for those long, warm summer months of my youth, when summer seemed to last forever. Now, the days are too short, even though they are the longest. I start school on Monday, and I'm dreading it--not because I don't like my job. I love working with the students. It's leaving T and all of the fun we've had this summer. With B starting school, I think we're all just a little nervous about the changes that are going to take place. Ah, such is life. Here's looking forward to a great fall and beginning of the school year.

Why?

So...I got a yucky virus that just hit me and knocked me down. Why is it when you feel the worst, your kid must have the most attention? "Mommy, play with me?" "Mommy, will you get me something?" I have always been fine with giving up so much for T. I understand it, though in the beginning it was so hard. Yeah, last night was REALLY hard. I wanted to get up and do something with him at the same time as I just wanted to lie there. Ew. So, hopefully, today will be easier and I'm on the road to feeling better.

Fishing, Daddy?

T asked my husband to go "on an adventure." Every time I hear them talk about it, my heart gets that gooey, mommy-type feeling. So, they go.

When they return, my husband has THAT look. Apparently fishing is not really something one should do with a toddler. T thought that it would be great fun to run around and mess with other guys' tackle boxes. I guess the epitome of embarrassment was when one of the guys said, "Hey, can you keep your kid out of my tackle box?" Needless to say, he came home in a bad mood, while my son was chirping about how much fun he had. I guess it's all in the perception.

I was lying on the couch because I haven't been feeling well today, and he said, "Mommy, I will lay with you. Maybe that will make you feel better." Some things just do.